AP's Blog

Here we are with 3 months left in 2023. What a year it has been….I am reminded of this time of year and the feelings and emotions it brings. Although I am feeling more blessed and grateful then ever. In a few short weeks I would find a tumor, October 6th, 2017 and diagnosed with Breast Cancer October 13th, 2017. A year that changed my life for the better. Though times have been tough I have never given up a fight. I am reminded what God has brought me out of and the blessings he has stowed upon me and my family. This doesn’t mean I have not struggled with anxiety and depression but when I am reminded what I can control, it brings me peace. WE are in control of our mind and what we think. If you consistently think negativity that is what you will get in return, when you think and speak positive affirmations into your life, that is what you will receive. I am not always the best at this but God is always reminding me to have FAITH in him and that his plan is greater than mine and that is all I want. As humans and as indoctrinated as we are we tend to go back to what is comfortable. For me this is FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of not being enough and then we put that on to others. And what I have experienced that is not good. He will put people into our lives to show us how FAITHFUL he is and how FAITHFUL we are to him. Life is a all about learning from your past and using our experiences to help others. Bringing them joy, love, peace, happiness and grace. I am shown this all the time. If there is anything that I have taken from these last 6 months, it is to have faith in what is and what is to come. Live in the moment. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, allow yourself to love, most importantly allow yourself to heal….this takes time and there will be times where you feel stagnant, but keep praying. The storm doesn’t last forever. I am deeply grateful for this journey. THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

One of my favorite bible verses.

“For I know the plans I have for you.” We all have days and moments when we question why certain things happen in our lives but putting faith in God and fulling knowing that he is in full control, is powerful. As humans we try and control situations, relationships, etc. Speaking to my own journey, I have learned to “Let go and let God” do his work in my life. And to trust the process of what he has for me.

Today marks 3 years ago this month I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A month that was filled with fear, anxiety, sadness, confusion, and all the emotions that come along with hearing those three words, ” you have cancer.” A time in my life that I will forever be grateful for, because it changed my life forever. During the last three years I have experienced not only cancer but death of loved ones, divorce, loss of friendships, and health scares. I couldn’t fathom why all of these situations were happening to me, but as a child of God all of these situations have been purposeful. I now GET to live the life that God has blessed me with and his plan for me is perfect and knowing that he is a miracle worker in all things.

I have learned how to love myself again, and that it is okay to be vulnerable, and its okay to not be okay all the time and to allow myself to feel the emotions of what has transpired but not to dwell in those emotions.

Having gone through the journey that I have, it has provided me with an abundance of blessings. Without all of the situations that have happened, I wouldn’t be here today with the strength and willingness to live. I have been blessed with the most amazing group of Pink’d sisters, co-workers, friends, family and most important my amazing boys. With all that is going on in this world please continue to LOVE, BE KIND, and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Have a blessed day!

Well we made it to October, a month that I have mixed feelings about. See, two years ago I didn’t mind the month of October. But in 2017 that all changed when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in October, on Friday the 13th, 2017! This month marks many emotions and feelings; sadness, anxious, fearful, guilt, anger. As a SURVIVOR and THRIVER these feelings are more powerful this month then any other month of the year. Why, because I am reminded of a disease that could of killed me. A disease that has taken many lives. A disease that has taken two dear friends from me in the last two years. A disease that has impacted my health, my life, my kids, family and friends. A disease that has left remind able scars on my body. A disease that needs a cure!

These last two years have been an eye opener and a reminder to live simple, to live with a purpose, to be a blessing. I have been provided many tools on how to live life after cancer, it hasn’t been easy but I hope that my journey has inspired at lease one person. Now, do your part and do your self breast exams, and get a mammogram!! #breastcancerawareness 💖🎗 #thriving #stronger #survivor

Some days I feel broken, other days I feel like I have it all together. I honestly feel like I have been to hell and back a few times in these last 8 months. I have been battling severe depression and anxiety. I realized I needed some professional help and started to see a therapist. But what I didn’t realize is how much pain I was/am in until then, and also after attending a retreat recently. This was a vulnerable step for me, because I am always one to say, yes I’m fine or I’m okay. But really deep down I wasn’t. I have been given some great tools to use for coping with life after cancer, that I will probably have to use for the rest of my life. Although, people think after treatments that you can just move on and go back to life before cancer. It just doesn’t work that way. I also thought that’s how it was going to be. But unfortunately that is not how it works. If it wasn’t for my cancer I wouldn’t have these issues come up, it’s exhausting. But I also wouldn’t have realized my worth.

See, since being diagnosed with cancer I have realized that I am worth more than I see myself and I am learning to love myself for the first time in a long time. I have hated myself for a long time and have felt guilty for what this cancer has done not to just myself but to the people in my life that matter the most.

There is always that fear of “what if” and I’ve been through the “what if’s” way too many times these last 8 months. But, I am learning to let go of fear and to only control what I have control over. I will be going in for a partial hysterectomy and gallbladder removal at the same time in the next week. I will be glad to get these parts removed but there are days, I ask myself, when will this end, I AM TIRED. The answer I keep giving myself is, God will not give you more than you can handle! Well he must think I’m a badass! I pray a year from now that I’m in a better place mentally and that there will be no more surgeries, because let’s be real, I don’t have much left to remove after 8 surgeries. Pretty much going to be hollow 🤣 (I crack myself up)

My new motto, ~When life hands you lemons, squeeze that shit yourself, stir it up and drink it! This is my life and I will be the only one to stir it~

Live your best life y’all!

When you think of cancer, you think of death. But when you educate yourself on the type of cancer, age, race, stage, you will learn that death is not always the outcome.

When I was first diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, October 13th, 2017. I thought to myself, “this can’t be, just no way.” But unfortunately I had to face the reality of having breast cancer at a young age. No matter the stage or how aggressive it was, I still was diagnosed with cancer. Just knowing that this disease was living in my body and thinking how the hell it got in there was the scary part. I prepared myself the best I could for the treatment plan that my medical team put together. I was ready to fight. But what I did’t realize was the mental fight it was going to have on me and to this day, even a year later, it is a battle.

When I look in the mirror and see the scars on my body and what my body has went through, and it is frustrating. These scars represent, pain, sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, depression, determination and strength. They say, “don’t let cancer define you.” But cancer has defined me, it has made me who I am today. It is part of my story and I will forever talk about it because it helps me cope. I battle demons everyday because of this disease, emotionally, physically and mentally. I didn’t realize the emotional roller coaster it was going to have on me, until I had to fight this fight myself. I will cherish these scars for the rest of my life. And will be forever grateful to be alive. I hope my story will inspire others.

I am a woman who has battled breast cancer and I am proud to stand here today and share my story.

Let go of what no longer serves a purpose in your life. Why do we hold on to people, situations, mistakes that no longer serve us? If what we are doing at this present moment is not making us happy, it is time to let go and find happiness. Life has its ups and downs but if we allow the bad times to control our future, we will never succeed. Change is scary, but change is good. If we stay complacent then we will never grow. And life is all about growing.

Life is a blessing. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, so we have to learn to appreciate the small things in life. Learning to love ourselves through life of our own journey is the bravest thing we will ever do. Self love, self care is what we owe ourselves in this world. It is not selfish to do this. Fall in love with yourself. We deserve to be happy regardless of who you are, where you come from, what color your skin is, how old you are. WE ALL DESERVE LOVE AND HAPPINESS.

Happy Sunday! This morning I have been reflecting on the people that I am grateful, thankful and blessed to have in my life.

A year ago, today we said our final goodbyes to my loving Grandpa at the age of 96! It is amazing the life he lived and how much he loved life! I miss his story telling, I miss how he would call on birthdays and sing to us. I miss him so much but I know he is watching over us! 😇

As I’ve gotten older, I have realized the importance of friends and family and the support it takes to survive. It’s truly a blessing to have a tribe behind you. I am honored to have my tribe that has helped guide me through life. Sometimes you have to cut a few loose, and that’s ok. We are all in this life together and we need to support one another and not judge. We all make mistakes, we are human. But we have to learn to move forward and not dwell on things we have no control over. Life is too damn short! Let’s all smile and enjoy life a little bit more. Do more great deeds for others, be kind to one another! It takes a tribe to do this thing called, LIFE! So let’s make the most of it and be thankful for what we have! Love y’all! Find your TRIBE and love them! Have a blessed day!

What a year this has been…I am grateful or the blessings, struggles, accomplishments, friendships that have been restored, my job and the awesome staff I work with. This year brought a lot of happiness, smiles happy tears, yet it also brought pain, fear, and sad tears. I have overcome a lot this year and learned a lot about myself. I am blessed with a husband and two amazing boys that have loved me and been by my side through my struggles this year. I love you three more than you know. I have recognized what I need to work on to be the best version of me, to be a better wife, mother, and friend.

2019 is the year of finding who I am and learning to love me again. And, restoring my faith in God. I want to live life simple, free of fear, and to get up every morning knowing I am living life to the fullest. One piece of advice from me that I will leave you with is, let go of any anger you have or hurt in your heart. Stop judging others. We don’t know what struggles they are facing or the feelings that they are feeling. Just live your life and focus on you! Be a blessing! Love a little bit more y’all. Peace out 2018 and CHEERS to 2019. LETS DO THIS!

🎊💖😘🍾🎉✌🏽

I made it to the 3 month check up list!!! Today I met with my oncologist to go over my bone scan and to have my monthly appointment with her! All I can say is this is a top 5 day! My scan came back and the spots in my pelvis are called “bone islands” which are benign tumors! My Oncologist said there was no reason for me to come back monthly (except for my shots) but other than that I am cleared for 3 months!!!! I’m so happy I could cry! It’s the little things in life that mean the most!

Since i received great news i decided to treat myself to a coffee! Have a blessed day y’all! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! 🎄🎁😘❤️

December 18th, 2017, a year ago today I started my first round of chemotherapy. I remember the feelings vividly. I felt a sense of relief knowing that I was getting a strong dose of medication that would kill any cancer cells left behind after surgery. I remember sitting in the chair getting ready to get the IV started and I felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness. As I started to cry and a sweet lady walked over to me and knelt down and gave me a hug, she told me everything was going to be ok. I was so scared that day that all I wanted to do was go home and sleep away the pain.

Fast forward to today, December 18th, 2018 being in remission. Life this past year has not been easy. I believed and others have too, that after my last treatment in February that I was going to be done and move on with my life and just go to check ups every 6 months. Well it hasn’t been that easy. In May after my 3 month follow up CT scan that was done monitor the nodules in my kidneys and right lung that was found in early Janruary. I was told that everything was ok and recommended to have another CT scan done in 3 months, which was September 19th. I recieved a call around 10 o’clock September 21st, it was the nurse from my Oncology office. All I remember is hearing, “Dr. Geetha would like to see you in her office today to discuss your CT results.” Now, had already having cancer the last thing you want to hear is the Dr. wants to see you in the office. Because your mind automatically goes to “omg not cancer again.” I left work in a panic having anxiety come over me, not being able to think rationally. All I could think was “not again,” this can’t be happening to myself and my family for the second time. Myself, my husband and my mom went to my appointment and the oncologist pulled up my scan and showed us a new finding in my right lung that she was concerned about and wanted to have a PET scan done to make sure there wasn’t a reoccurence. I had a PET Scan done the following week and between the Pulmonolgist and my Oncologist they recommend I have a biopsy. I became very overwhelmed with anxiety, my mind was in a fog and all I wanted to do was sleep. I kept saying to myself, “why am I being tested, why are these findings keep coming up?” October 8th, I had my right lung biopsy done and it was a successful biopsy with no findings of reoccurence. That was a huge relief! I felt I could finally move on with my life and be “normal” again.

Well, starting in late October I started having some extreme pain in my left elbow and my range of motion was becoming difficult. With the removal of lymph nodes durning the mastectomy there could be a possibility of lymphedema. My oncologist suggest I see a Lymphedema specialist so I did, and begun doing OT once a week to every other week. The first week in November I started seeing swelling and being in extreme pain in my feet, legs and right shoulder. I was having troubles sleeping because I would get extreme hip pain at night. When I would awake in the mornings I could barely walk from the pain in my joints. I contacted my oncologist and asked if I was having some side effects from my medication. She suggested I see my primary care team to see what was going on since she didn’t think it was from the medication. So I did, and they suggested that if the pain wasn’t better in 2 weeks that I see a rheumatologist. I started to become extremely frustrated at this point because all I wanted was to be pain free and stop seeing doctors and having tests done. I just wanted to start working out again and to stop worrying about all these tests. I became deeply depressed at this point and just wanted to stop everything, all medications, stop going to appointments etc. I just wanted to live a “normal” life again. But I thought to myself, “what is normal anymore?”

So, in the middle of November I had received a call from Dr. Depew, my pulmonologist. He wanted to meet with me but before he see me he wanted me to have a CT scan done, once again of my chest to check to see if the nodule in my lung was still there, if it had grown, etc. December 5th, I was scheduled for another CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis. I received a call from Dr. Depew. He had explained the finding in my lung back in September was gone! If you can imagine the sense of relief I had! But he said there were two more findings in my pelvis. An 11mm sclerotic focus in my right iliac bone and a 9 mm sclerotic focus within the right ischium. I thought to myself, “you have got to be freaking kidding me, when will this end?” So he suggested I have a full body bone scan from head to toe. But in the mean time I was scheduled for another breast reconstruction surgery prior to the scan that I was unaware of until I met with my plastic surgeon back in October, who said I needed to have some stuff fixed. I have had people ask me if this surgery was my choice? My response was, “no.” But I also thought to myself are you freaking kidding me? Hmmm…was cancer my choice? So, for those who want to know if this second reconstruction was my choice, no it wasn’t a choice it was something that needed to be done because cancer decided to take my breast.

So here I am December 18th, 2018. Another surgery done and another scan done as well. I will meet with my oncologist this week to discuss the results from the scan. I have confidence this is just another stupid finding and that I will be able to move forward with my life. Although, there are others who are going through much more than I am. I enjoy sharing my journey and I share it in hopes inspire others. As a cancer survivor I constantly live in fear of reoccurrence. There are days I sit on the edge of my bathtub and cry. Somedays I feel like a failure because of what cancer has done to me. I decided to to share my journey because it helps me cope and I pray that I can help another person make it through their journey. I am constantly learning everyday of new ways to cope with being a survivor. Life after cancer sucks but I am here and I am a SURVIVOR. One thing I have learned from my journey is to have patience, to forgive, and to love more! We are not promised tomorrow so enjoy the day you are given!

Much love y’all,

Amanda